


Vagary of Memory

by RobNips



Category: RWBY
Genre: As always he will be there when Qrow needs him, Dealing With Guilt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Even if Qrow doesn't think he needs him, Guilt, M/M, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Supportive Clover Ebi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22851100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobNips/pseuds/RobNips
Summary: Qrow has always had trouble coming to terms with past mistakes. Dreams don't let him forget them very easily. But now, at least he has Clover to help him through it
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	Vagary of Memory

_”_ **_Stop_ ** _!”_

_Nails dug into skin, he remembers that feeling. More like claws than from human hands. They held him back, dragged Raven away from him, clawed at his scalp. Forced his head underwater._

**_“Stop!”_ **

_Through his thrashing he could hear her scream. It cut through his panic, the feeling of hands holding him down. He felt a spark in his spine, something new but oddly familiar, like a shadow - and powerful._

_The dam cracked open, louder than thunder. Another sound he would never forget._

_Raven’s scream stopped. Water crashed over him - all of them - he could still hear screaming. A different kind, painful. He was choking, choking - drowning. His heart pounding almost trumped the rushing water in his ears. The burning in his lungs was branded into his chest, his throat felt like it was being torn open. He could see bodies floating by - their eyes trained on him, his mistake. Everything turns out wrong-_

Qrow jerked awake, the rushing water from his dream being replaced by the calm silence of their bedroom. 

Clover slept peacefully beside him, the only noise Qrow could hear besides his own blood roaring in his ears. He forced himself to breathe in deeply, focus on where he was, rather than the distorted memory of his dream.

Heh, ‘dream.’ It was a memory, one that he would used to drink to forget. 

_Stop!_

Even if he can’t remember all the details, Raven’s scream still echoed clearly in his mind. It was the first time, out of very few, he could remember his sister being helpless. 

It was also the first time he remembered feeling his semblance, _knowing_ it was his semblance, even if he didn’t understand it yet. But it was him, his fault for breaking the dam, the huge tidal wave that washed away an entire village, all those people-

Qrow pulled at his hair, suppressing a groan. The sweat that clung to his skin was starting to feel cold against their bedroom air. He had to get out of that space. 

Qrow slipped out of bed as quietly as he could to not disturb Clover, grabbed a sweatshirt, and slipped into the kitchen. The Ace OP’s all shared a large, quality kitchen in the middle of their quarters. It was the military’s way of rewarding them for their rank without having to build five separate kitchens. 

Though at such a late time it was abandoned. The only light was from the coffee machine, the digital clock on the wall, and lights from the refrigerator that Qrow still hadn’t figured out. 

_Stop!_

Even with the familiar surroundings, his past still lingered in his mind. Qrow ripped open the freezer and dug his hands into the ice bin, pulling out cubes to hold tightly over the sink. He had to stay grounded. A stupid dream was no reason to wake anyone. 

_Stop!_

Qrow gripped the ice tighter. He was in the kitchen. He was a grown man. He was not in danger. Clover was waiting for him back in their room. Harriet was probably snoring like a chainsaw. Marrow kept a bottle of rum on the pantry’s top shelf. 

_No._

Qrow thumped his head against the cabinet over the sink. Maybe his dreams were part of the reason he started drinking in the first place, but they would not be the reason he went back. 

“Hey,” 

Clover’s voice from behind made him jump, slamming his head against that cabinet again, and dropping the ice to clatter in the sink.

“Jeez, Qrow.” Clover was at his side in an instant, flicking a light on and tiling Qrow’s chin up to see if the hit left a mark. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,”

“I know, I know. I’m fine.” He insisted, and grabbed Clover’s wrists to pull them away. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” 

“No, I just,” Clover shrugged a shoulder, dropping their hands to lean against the counter instead. “Why are you up?” 

“Nothing. Dreams.” Qrow answered quickly, and corrected himself just as fast. He wouldn’t lie to him. “Old memories, really.” 

Clover hummed in understanding, then nodded back to the hall. “Do you want to come back to bed?”

“Heh,” Qrow shook his head. “Not really, honestly.” The thought of lying back to his sweat soaked side of the bed and being too worried about sleeping to actually sleep was not appealing.

“Okay,” Clover shrugged, and hopped up onto the counter. He made himself comfortable, folding his fingers on his lap, and looked tentatively at Qrow. 

“Clo, you don’t have to stay up-”

“I know.” Clover cut him off. “But I will. You’d do it for me.” 

Qrow couldn’t deny that. It wasn’t often, but Clover did have his own restless nights. All huntsmen did, it was just part of the job. The things one sees, they’re hard to shake off. They’ve spent nights in bed together, with quiet whispers between them telling regrets, or stupid mistakes that resulted in something that still haunts them. 

So Qrow let him stay. They settled in on the couch, wrapped up with each other. Qrow figured if he couldn’t stand being in bed right now, Clover at least being there made this whole situation bearable. Sitting in silence was enough. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Clover asked with that low rumble in his voice, that look in his eyes that made Qrow weak in his chest. “It might help.”

Qrow sighed, settled in to Clover’s side, and started his story. 

Him and Raven were still young, away from the rest of the tribe. It was uncommon, but as long as they found their way back to camp before dark, no one cared where they went. So they went to play in a river before a dam. Catching fish, throwing rocks, getting each other soaked. Kid stuff. 

They were targeted almost immediately. By police, slavers, or other bandits, Qrow didn’t remember which was true. They were deadly and him and Raven were at their mercy.

They wanted something from them, Qrow couldn't remember what either, but they started taking Raven away kicking and screaming. If as a warning to her not to fight - Qrow remembered them trying to drown him. 

Until his semblance woke up and cracked open the dam holding the river back. There was a moment of silence, shocked confusion between all of them, before tidal wave washed them away. Qrow remembers almost drowning before Raven dragged him out of the water. Whoever had been attacking them was gone.

“I didn’t know how I did it.” Qrow scoffed, almost a laugh, but his usual bitterness was present. “But I knew it was my fault.” 

“You were just kids.” Clover had started running his fingers through Qrow’s hair, somehow his head ended up on Clover’s lap. “You were scared.” 

Qrow sighed, staring up at the ceiling without really seeing anything. He swallowed thickly before confessing. “The tidal wave that was released destroyed a village downstream.” 

Clover stopped petting his hair, Qrow let out a slow breath. He felt himself tensing as Clover stayed silent above him. “I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t mean for that-”

“Yes, Qrow. I know you didn’t.” Clover assured quickly, moving his hand again. He sounded offended at the thought. “Of course you didn’t mean for it. It’s horrible, but ....”

“It’s still my fault.” Qrow sighed and shrugged, unphased. 

He’s lived with this guilt for years, along with many others. All he wanted now was for Clover’s opinion of him to be unchanged. For Clover to still see him how he is now, the person he keeps working to be every day. Qrow won’t let go of his past mistakes, but he’s also come to learn that they are not all that matters. 

“It’s alright. I’ve learned to live with that.” Qrow sighed when Clover grew quiet again. 

After a long pause, Clover was the quietest Qrow’s ever heard him. “No.”

Qrow frowned. “Hm?” 

“You shouldn’t have to keep torturing yourself over this.” 

Qrow was taken aback by how Clover gave his answer, as if it were so obvious and reasonable as everything is for him. “I’m not-” 

He held up a hand before Qrow could even open his mouth. “You told me how Ruby’s semblance woke up one day while you were training her? How she charged at you so fast that she broke your rib? Were you made at her?” 

Qrow blinked. “No, obviously. But this-”

He raised a brow. “Would you want her to feel guilty about it? Even now?”

“No, Clover. I-” Qrow sighed, and ran a hand down his face. “I tried forgetting, and that only hurt everyone. I can’t make up for it, so,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “This is just how it is.” 

“Qrow,” Clover scoffed above him, and jerked his legs so Qrow would look at him. Despite his tone, his eyes expressed his compassion. A look that made Qrow’s heart skip every time. “The way to make up for it? You’re already doing it. Saving lives, entire villages. The world, even. If we’re lucky.” 

He winked down at him, Qrow had to resist rolling his eyes. 

“You can’t change what happened, but you’re not a bad person because of it. And you don’t deserve to be tortured over it.” He shrugged, but revealed that love in his shining eye again. “Whatever it takes to be at peace with this, I will help you. Even if that’s just staying up with you.”

Qrow stayed quiet, partially overwhelmed by Clover’s constant strives to be comforting. Though, he knew Clover was right. Qrow had learned long ago that if he was constantly agonizing about his past, he’d keep failing in the present. Maybe he’d never be at peace, not with everything in his life piled up on top of one another in a amalgamation of his guilt. He had tried to stop thinking of it that way, but dreams like this would never let him forget entirely. 

Clover’s hand continued it’s soothing rhythm through his hair, Qrow reached his other hand to tangle it up in his own. “You don’t mind? Staying?” 

“Never.” The answer was immediate. Clover squeezed his hand. “I’ll stay.” 

The simple words, when they came from someone who made Qrow believe them, made all the difference. His mind may not let him forget everything he wants to, but he's not just his past. Things are different, and Qrow is not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Fanfiction is for the fluff that canon never gave us....but also the classic Comfort After a Nightmare trope ;)  
> Comments are always appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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